I've about lost all hope for any willing love from Samantha. Really, I just don't feel like she's putting this online relationship where it belongs on the list of important things. I'm back to rarely getting a goodbye, I've never really had any kind of explaination of where or what she'll be doing (so that I'd know when not to look forward to seeing her.)

You'd think a girlfriend would at least try to start up a conversation from time to time... Only thing I believe she does online willingly is talk to KK and RP with her. I can't help the fact that I'm not her best friend in real life, that we can't hang out like that; but does that mean it's time to forget the reasons of attraction?

Is this really how it is? First few months of a relationship are pretty satisfactory, and then it's like you're simply friends who kiss and hug? Sex isn't the answer, I wouldnt think 'cybering' would change ANYTHING (probably create problems). I'm at a point where instead of some horny, erotic thing happening, that I just want some attention, some affection, and some compliments here and there.

My job is killing me from the inside.. The logical part of myself constantly reminds me that I can probably find a job that pays so much more better, and with less stress; while an other side of myself explains why I can't just up and leave. I have bills to pay now and I owe it to the people who trained me to give the place 5 months of my time.

I think what makes it hard on me, though, is that the money I set aside every month for my eventual move to Washington, is starting to make me think. If Samantha and I don't work out I'll have lost all big plans in my life. I really don't have anything else planned... I'd be confident in her and I, but she shows zero drive to do the simplest things like talk to me about her day or show me she cares. I feel like I'm in a relationship with myself; like I'm holding up this thing by myself and she's running off and doing her own thing.

Most of all of my days off she has KK over, which means I barely get to see her. I can tell her a hundred times that I want some time with her, but by the time we get to that point, shit comes up.

I'd tell her this... But there's no point. She wont change. I'm not going to give up on us, I can't let this relationship just float away like the previous times. Though.. it's really starting to hurt me. So bad infact that I'm losing hope in many other things.